In 2010 my life was upended by an unexpected and brutal divorce. Pain, darkness, despair, grief, utter.. Devastation.
Somehow, most often barely conscious at worst, or sleepwalking at best, through it all, I got up every day and worked out. I went to the pool, or Cardio Barre, or got on my spin bike, or went for a run. I managed to complete 5 triathlons. My physical activity, and my friends and family were simply, everything. The only thing that kept me from coming undone.
During the summer, in the deep tunnel, my friend Chris Zeitzman reached out, having heard news of my split. Having been divorced herself, she called to offer support. After not seeing her for quite some time, we reconnected.
I was stunned;
She was lean, ripped, content, focused, radiant.
Having raced in several triathlons with Chris, we both considered ourselves fairly accomplished athletes. She explained to me over that tear-filled dinner (of which I remember puzzling over her eating steamed spinach and grilled chicken while I dogged a whole plate of Mahi tacos and a chocolate sundae) that endurance athletes can easily carry around 20 extra pounds. Just because we work out regularly and race doesn’t mean we are at our athletic or physical best.
She told me about the program she did, and was now teaching called Peak 10 that incorporated metabolic circuits, strength training, pliometrics and a nutritional overhaul. She explained how it changed her body, her life, her self perception, her confidence, and her athletic performance. Not to mention at 42 she weighed what she weighed in college, lost 2 clothing sizes and has never felt more alive (and hot- my editorial).
I filed it away as I proceeded to stumble through the dark night (s) as summer turned to fall. The coming months were a blur of misery. My divorce drew to a close on a poetically apt New Years Eve.
The year turned, and I turned 40, and I began to slowly shift; from survival, to a place of stillness. A place only from which new life can reveal. A tilled but fallow field.
And as the season turned to spring, so too did I.
I remembered Chris, and happened to reach out to her just as a new cycle of Peak 10 was beginning. She reconnected me with Michelle, who graciously made space for me in the already full program. A new phase presented itself.
The first workouts were humbling, mind numbing, shockingly hard. I considered myself a fit chick (having done over 30 triathlons, I mean I should be able to hang Peak right? HA!). I was shredded and destroyed. My life was an Epsom salt bath and a foam roller.
The program is set up with team spirit and camaraderie, which is needed. It was outrageously difficult, and the (commiseration) and encouragement of my fellow newbies along with the Peak staff helped assuage the dismay. Shock and awe. But we were in it together.
Early on, the nutritional changes were difficult to streamline- getting the correct amount of calories to create the deficits needed for weight loss but enough to fuel the grueling workouts. Cutting out dry carbs and refined sugar, learning what to eat and when. Again, humbling considering I thought myself to be nutritionally savvy, a life long vegetarian and endurance athlete. Think again.
But here is one of the many synergistic and wonderful things about how embarking on the Peak journey coincided with my life change-
I was a blank slate. The divorce stripped all of the criteria I used to define and tether myself. I was raw, “skinned” as I named it, and thus coachable, curious, malleable, yielding. That’s what happens when the bottom drops out and we fall- we can break, or we can break open.
I asked questions. I availed myself of the support of Michelle, Kanda, Chris, Yalda. These women are experts in their field, utterly inspirational, and available. They are a precious resource. And I used them. I made adjustments. I took feedback. I allowed myself to be humbled. And slowly I began to see results.
At the close of cycle 1 at the end of June I was down 13 pounds, inches all over and a clothing size. I felt amazing but decided to keep going.
I wore the dotfit Experspy all summer, continued to eat clean and make deficits. I had fun with my workouts, doing ATC, new classes and swim training. I continued to train and in late summer I did a week long swim expedition in the Greek Islands, completing my first 20k swim. I came back lean, tan, relaxed, and feeling... HOT!
As the fall Peak 10 program opened, I was down 18 pounds from when I started on May 1. I decided to do a second round of Peak because I loved how Michelle described phase 2- phase 1 you loose the weight, phase 2 is when the cuts come in. Cuts? Bring it!
Close of Phase 2- down 21 pounds, 3 clothing sizes (from a 10 to a 4), $1000 in tailoring and alterations, a new wardrobe including hot new underthings, a 6 pack of abs, lean arms, a firm butt, and lost inches all over.
Now, I tell this story because there is another piece of it which I hope will inspire others to commit, no matter what.
And that is my lifestyle.
I travel for work. A lot. Internationally. It could have been an easy excuse to derail my progress, or not even attempt this at all. While it was frustrating to never quite be able to settle into a routine, I decided to give it my full attention and commitment. I was as resourceful and creative as I could be with creating continuity. And it worked. There is a huge sense of accomplishment in this for me.
In 2011 I went to:
DC 3 times (March, June, Oct)
Phoenix (May)
Austin (March)
El Paso (Feb)
Hawaii 3 times (Feb, May, Nov)
San Fran 2 times (April, Dec)
Vegas 2 times (Sept, Oct)
Denver (Nov)
Poland and Lithuania (July)
Greece (Sept)
Denmark (Oct)
France (Dec)
That is 18 trips out of state or country this year. And that is a less than average travel year.
I still managed to get results. I used the DVD’s and hotel gyms. If there were no gyms I worked out in my room. I watched what I ate on the road (which is hard, esp overseas, but it can be done). I checked my burns with the experspy. Even if I couldn’t log food I began to develop a sense of what I can eat based on what I burn every day (even when travelling and eating odd things at odd times). What I learned is that with focus and clear intention, it can be done.
One final point- my triathlons.
I competed in 5 Olympic Distance triathlons this year.
Two before Peak and 3 during.
Of the three during, two were races I had done before so I have a basis of comparison.
And to be fully transparent, I wasn’t training for triathlon since I started Peak. I have not been biking or running on the road. I did these races more to mix it up and to quantify my progress. The results were way beyond my expectations.
Stats:
Santa Barbara Tri Long Course (August, which was 18 pounds and 4 months into Peak):
3 minutes off my swim
10 minutes off my bike
12 minutes off my run
Up 25 minutes from 2010’s time.
Big Rock Olympic Distance (RUN PR!!!)
8 minutes off my bike
5 minutes off my run
10k PR
Up 5 minutes from 2010’s time.
More results with less training. Less pounds of me to haul around. Improved power, better endurance, stronger over all, and most importantly, I look better in spandex so I am more confident!
I love my sport more than ever. I am off the plateau, and know I can improve even as I have aged up, with less hours hammering on the road and in the pool.
Everything has changed for me. I still grieve. I miss my ex husband. I experience moments of deep loneliness and sorrow. I am fully solo, single and taking this time to explore my interior world. I am witnessing and working in the muck and the depths. Buried “stuff” that can only come to the surface in solitude. I live alone, and I travel alone.
But there is a spring in my step, a lightness in my heart that has so much to do with the visceral, cellular, corporeal transition I have witnessed in myself, of myself.
If my outside can shift in this manner, and the protective layer I carried on the exterior can shed, so too can my heart. And in that I trust. And I have proof in this puddin.
I am grateful, and awed, and humbled.
Thank you Michelle.
